its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
