how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
