Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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