I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
