I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
