You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
