dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
