Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
