not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
