I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
