His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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