there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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