Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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