I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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