the condom got lost in my hair
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
