I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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