I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
