She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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