feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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