so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
