My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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