I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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