Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
