He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
