where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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