You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
