i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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