i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
