Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
