I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
