it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
