I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
