Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
