Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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