There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
