Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
