You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
