As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
