i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
