alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
