so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
