Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Come on in and take your pants off
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