you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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