Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
where are my eyebrows?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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