So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
