I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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