I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
