Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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