Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize