do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
