Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
