idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
